The Bullshit Debutante Ball of Predators
When I was still 17, my mom came across an article in the paper about a 'debutante ball' type event needing models to volunteer for the evening to raise money for an organization.
I told her "sure" that it would be fun and more experience for my college resume in public speaking etc since there were to be live interviews with the D-list Celebrity Judges before the crowning of the "Debutante".
I had a few pageants under my belt at this time and felt way more confident in agreeing to this "opportunity."
On the day of the event, a limo arrived to pick me up.
I brought my boyfriend along with me and my whole family drove separately to meet me there for the evening. When my mother called to inquire about the event, she asked for an outline of the evening's agenda so I would be prepared and professional.
I arrived at the event on Palm Beach Island just before sunset and hurried inside.
While scoping the place out, a woman approached me and told me I was expected to have private interviews with some of the judges in a limo just outside.
I remember this immediately upsetting me because as a PEDOPHILIC CHILD RAPE SURVIVOR I DO NOT TRUST ANYONE, LET ALONE MEETING GROWN MEN PRIVATELY IN A LIMO THAT WAS NEVER DISCLOSED TO MY MOTHER. I froze and was flushed with anger when she firmly commanded that ALL participants were required in order to be judged at the end of the night.
I decided right then and there it was not worth "winning", and I would be defiant in blatantly ignoring her request while seeing just what these "adults" were up to.
At that MOMENT God sent my little brother walking by and I asked him to please go check out the limo situation.
Since I am also handicapped with dislocating joints, I was concerned I might hurt myself with such an unnecessary request to meet judges in limos! So bizarre!
Not 5 mins later my 14-year-old little brother comes back with eyes like saucers, half laughing at what he's about to blurt out.
"So?" I ask, impatiently.
"Umm... the other model (oh did I mention there were only two of us models and I was the only minor? Yeah, that) is giving JJ Walker a blow job!" he confesses.
"WHAT?!?!" I gasp in horror and anger, "WELL, I AM NOT GOING OUT THERE THEN!!! ARE YOU KIDDING ME???"
I then ask my boyfriend, a few years older than me, "Chris, will you please go check, he's got to be joking..."
Chris comes back with the SAME LOOK AND GIGGLES, "Ummm now they are having sex and doing lines of cocaine" he explains to me.
At this point I am SHAKING with anger wanting to see if I truly LOSE against this ONE COMPETITOR that fucked her way to the top, I wanted to prove to myself that I would not have to EVER DO THAT TO WIN. So I made sure to really play it up.
Photoshoots with celebrities, BIG SMILES!
Nailed the live Q & A, really hammed it up. Worked the crowd like only I knew how.
Even disco danced with Greg Brady himself... I laid it on THICK against the stick in the mud of competition.
The "competition" that took no thought in answering her questions...
There was no competition.
She did nothing but sell her body to the devil.
And they announced her the winner.
Many came up after saying it was very strange I didn't win.
I thought so too.
Just before the live interviews at the end of the night, Barry Williams came over to chat with me. Striking up BS conversation, I just smiled brightly and answered honestly.
He asked my age and I told him the truth.
He offered to get me a drink from the bar and when I declined and told him I had a drink, he whispered in my ear that he could very easily get me an alcoholic beverage from the bar if I wanted.
I declined, politely smiling.
He commented on how much older I looked and again offered me a drink anytime and to find him if I wanted to take him up on his offer to sneak a minor some alcohol.
After the humiliating loss, still smiling like I'm a winner, as 'models' are trained to do, Barry approached me right before I was leaving with my family. He slipped me his photo and address again bending over to whisper in my ear how much he enjoyed meeting me and to write him anytime, finishing with "I'm very lonely."
This just made me feel so gross and so sad. I grew up enjoying what little innocence I had in my childhood watching this "good big brother" on national tv and the real person behind the character is just another CREEP!
Once in the safety of the car with my family, I began to appear visually upset, holding back tears of how humiliated and used I felt "volunteering" my time to be abused by more predators.
My family attempted to lift me up in praise and compliment me that I was the clear winner in their eyes and to just "let it go" and move on with more "experience".
The following morning, my mother burst into my room and tossed the paper on my bed.
"See? EVERYONE thinks you are the winner from last night. They splashed you all over the front page of the Palm Beach Daily News and didn't even mention the lady who won!" my mother boasted.
This upset me EVEN MORE!! I felt even MORE used and decided to go rollerblading to clear my head and blow off more steam.
After about 2 hours I returned home to my mother gloating that my little brother had taken a message for me while I was out...
"J.J. Walker called. Alex took the message" she smiled proudly.
He wanted me to call him back and go to lunch with him while he was still in town.
I wanted to PUKE.
Sadly my mother is terrible at seeing sexual abuse and predators. At the time she thought all these grown men calling me with "opportunities" were harmless good guys.