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Defying Gravity: Finally Seeing Myself in Elphaba

For years, Wicked was just another musical to me. I knew the songs, I knew the story, but I never let myself get too close to it. It was too triggering, too painful. The idea of Elphaba—a misunderstood woman with dreams so big they threatened to change the world—cut too close to the bone.


I now realize how much I am like her. I see myself in her ambition, her courage, and her heartbreak when she learns the truth about the world she so desperately wants to belong to. Just like Elphaba, I once believed in a dream—mine was to perform, to create, to stand under bright lights and share my gifts with the world. But the same industry that promised magic revealed itself to be rife with abuse, exploitation, and the infamous “casting couch.”


I had to walk away. Not because I lacked talent, passion, or drive, but because I couldn’t stomach what the industry demanded from me—or worse, what it excused. Walking away from my dreams felt like a betrayal of the person I thought I was. I couldn’t even bear to watch musicals like Wicked because they reminded me of everything I’d lost.


But now, looking back, I see the parallels I couldn’t acknowledge before. Elphaba didn’t give up on her dreams because she wasn’t capable—she gave up because the system she wanted to be a part of was broken, corrupt, and cruel. She didn’t let the Wizard define her. She defied him, stepping into her own power and embracing the gravity of her truth.


That’s where I am now. I’ve spent years grieving the dreams I left behind, but now I see that walking away wasn’t the end of my story. It was the beginning of something new—something bigger. I’m defying gravity in my own way, by demanding that the industry change, by refusing to be silent about the abuses I’ve endured and witnessed.


I no longer see leaving as giving up; I see it as standing up. I walked away from my dreams because I couldn’t reconcile my love for the arts with the harm the industry enabled. But I’m still here, fighting for a world where others can chase their dreams without fear, where no one has to compromise their dignity or safety to belong.


Like Elphaba, I’ve been misunderstood. I’ve been silenced. I’ve been told to stop making waves. But also like Elphaba, I’ve realized that no one can truly bring me down. My dreams didn’t die—they’ve transformed into something even more powerful: a vision of an industry that is safe, ethical, and free from abuse.


I’m finally ready to embrace what I couldn’t see before: I am Elphaba. I am defying gravity—not for the spotlight, but to tear down the system that kept me and so many others in the dark. And I won’t stop until we’ve built something better.

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